Cancer treatment is here. The weeks, days, and hours of waiting are over.

“It’s going to be okay, right?”

That’s the most difficult question when you’re facing cancer with someone you love.

It is one hundred thousand percent, NOT okay. There is nothing okay about it. You’re 41 for crying out loud! You have cancer. This wasn’t supposed to happen for another 41 years. We’re not supposed to be excited to radiate your brain. Our beautiful life is forever changed. In what twisted, sick, satanic world is this okay? It is not.

But, ohhh, the longing for the reassurance and security of feeling “okay.” Not even “great” or “good” or “fine” – just “okay” will do.

And so, with tears I say, “It’s going to be okay.” And I mean it, and I don’t mean it all at the same time. And he believes me, and he doesn’t believe me all at the same time.

In the end – whatever end it may be – this “not-okay” moment will be okay. We’re hoping more than anything that it’s cancer that ends, and we’re bold enough to ask for it to end soon.

Still, in 100 years and in 1,000 years and in 10,000 years, the outcome will really be no different. We both love Jesus. We more than believe; we know that we’ll be in heaven together in the “big end.” So, there are moments (albeit usually brief moments) that some of this cancer stuff feels kind of petty.

This is part of our story, and everyone gets a story. Everyone’s story has some things that are ugly and some things that are beautiful. Why would we be any different?

Naively, I thought our boys getting H.U.S. in 2016 was going to be our ugly, not-okay thing. Our family fought our battle – and won. Remember how great it was when all three boys were finally out of the hospital and “okay” again? Wasn’t that story good enough? After all, we learned to trust God, to love and be loved by other people, and to watch for miracles of all sizes.

Must we go through this again?

In that moment of self-pity, a name, a family, an event will come to mind. We remember other people who have faced a diagnosis, accident, death (especially of a child), infertility, rejection, or their own cancer. None of that is okay either.

In the next few weeks, and months, there are going to be a lot of “not okay” things in our world and maybe yours, too. We can understand the reality of that. But I also know there are going to be some “okay,” maybe “good,” and potentially even “great” in the days, years, and eternity that lies ahead.

So, yes, for now we are going to be okay and not okay at the same time. And you can, too.

Keep praying.

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Romans 12:12